All of the news I’ve been promising you

Hi there, darling readers. I know I’ve been frustratingly vague and absent recently. I’m sorry about that- it drives me crazy when other people do it. Why blog if you aren’t going to make any sense, right? It’s maddening that when I actually had something very important to tell you, it had to wait because the feelings of others were involved.

I’m not exactly sure why, but today I knew I had waited long enough. So here’s what I’ve been up to…

A little over five weeks ago, I flew up to Delaware and broke up with Joey. Does this post make more sense now? It was an incredibly difficult decision- knowing that it was the right thing to do for both of us didn’t make it any easier. I wrote sparingly here in the last weeks of October because I was spending the majority of my time tearing myself to pieces, trying to make sure I was choosing the right course of action. There’s no easy way to end a loving five year relationship, as the loved ones who took care of me during those weeks know.

By the time I flew to Delaware, my heart had already suffered and broken. When I flew home the next day and my dad came to get me from the airport, my heart was already beginning to mend. That might sound callous, but it’s the truth. I was able to move on quickly because my time in Delaware was closure to the process of pain and heartbreak I had already been through. Call BS if you want- it took me by surprise too. I am not making this up and I am not lying to myself.

Anyway, life changed very quickly when I got home. I set in motion the process of applying to graduate school for social work. I had planned on waiting so as not to be tied down anywhere when Joey graduated from his masters program- but of course all that changed with the breakup. Social work is what I truly want to do, and just looking at class descriptions gets me excited. So far, I have applied to the University of Michigan, and I will apply to Washington University in St. Louis in the next couple of weeks. They’re the two best programs- I have no idea if I’m way over-reaching or if I have a good chance of getting in. For now, I am just applying to these two programs early-decision and waiting to see what happens. If I don’t get in, that’s fine- I was not planning to go to grad school next year anyway, and I can apply to other programs next year. If I do get in- well, let’s just say I can’t wait for mid-February to get here so I can find out.

But grad school isn’t the big news. Are you ready? This was what was so hard to hold back and keep quiet about when all I wanted to do was write it in the sky for all to see. A week after breaking up with Joey, I started dating one of my dearest friends, Matt. You’ve probably heard me mention him around these parts. We went to school together from kindergarten until we graduated from high school, and we stayed close even when we studied at different schools and lived in different countries. I suppose the fact that we started dating so quickly after I broke up with Joey surprised some people. There are still friends of mine from Notre Dame who aren’t talking to me. But I promise that if you were here- if you saw it happen- you wouldn’t be surprised and you wouldn’t disapprove. People far wiser and more cautious than us, our mothers, gave us approval. Judge me if you want, I guess, but I’m incredibly happy. I’m not rebounding and I don’t need a boyfriend to make me feel whole. Every bit of me says that this is right. I’m hoping that you’ll understand and be happy for me, but even if you don’t, it feels fantastic just to tell you. I’m giddy, ecstatic, and full of joy- and I’m not going to hide it any longer.

“Young people… must not forget, when they love, that they are beginners, bunglers of life, apprentices in love- must learn love, and that (like all learning) wants peace, patience, and composure.”  -Rainer Maria Rilke

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7 responses to “All of the news I’ve been promising you

  1. Maria

    HA! I call BS, but only because I can. It doesn’t mean anything. Doing the bravest and most cowardly thing in the world is sometimes also the rightest thing to do. Why do they have to be mutually exclusive?

    As for you, live! One of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies, Auntie Mame: Yes! Live! Life’s a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!

  2. Thank you for sharing this, Laura… and most of all, for being honest with yourself. I have no doubt you made the right decisions—because you felt they were right—and am also very glad for you moving forward. Look forward to continuing to share our meanderings ;-0
    p.s. neat to think how Bethany House planted little seeds in each of us & gardens now beginning to take shape!

    • Brennan, Maria, and everyone else who has emailed me or facebooked me: Thank you to those of you who accept me for who I am. Thank you for reading what I have to say and letting me say it. It’s both terrifying and liberating to be this honest so publicly. I know it will make certain people hate me more- it already has. My first reaction to criticism is to assume that the other person is right. I automatically try to find a way to be what everyone wants me to be. A side effect of this process is that I’ve had to learn to be ok with disappointing and angering people. It will never stop hurting when people dislike me, especially people I care about. But every note from you that says I am worthy of love just as I am- they keep me going. They give me strength. It’s cliche, but I’m going to say it anyway: What’s popular is not always right, and what’s right is not always popular. It’s been a rough ride- thank you to those of you who have reached out and made it a little easier. Love, Laura

  3. Dearest one – you did the right thing following your heart AND (remind the naysayers)…God’s Will. Only you can discern that Will and your own heart and you did things as honest as you could. You will find no judgment here. In fact, I’m proud of you for facing what I’m sure was “change” and a big fear. You are a braver woman than I was at your age. Bless you.

    AMEN you did what I’m sure was so heartbreaking, and I’m also thrilled you’ve entered the next plan God has for you.

    I pray the same for Joey and if he reads this he knows how much I care for you both and want you both happy and where you need to be. You are an incredible person. Much love to you!!!! Miss you!

    • Thank you. It means a lot coming from you, since you’ve known both of us for so long, way before we were dating. Love you too and grateful to have such wonderful people in my life.

  4. Tia

    From your devoted blog reader to one who was once mine as well….I’m proud of you. May the best blessings in life be yours; you are an authentic, honest soul.

  5. Jules

    I completely understand who after months of tearing yourself us, as soon as its over, you feel that weight off your shoulders and, I don’t know, everything seems better. I get it. No BS here.

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