In which I am as full of cheerfulness as ever

When I decided to take a photo every day and post it here, I didn’t intend to stop posting words. But that’s how it’s happened. My apologies.

So after weeks of blogging silence, what do I bring to you today? Profound thoughts, carefully cultivated? Deep ponderings? Nope, I’m here to complain. Because we all need to, sometimes.

This week has been a tough one. I got the job offer of my dreams… one I never thought to even hope for… and found out the next day I had to turn it down because they wanted me to start next week. Punch to the gut.

Trying to get hired has been, predictably, quite stressful. I was thrilled to have the whole process behind me. But now I have to face it again, every day, along with the persistent fear that nothing will come through.

[A professor asked me, this week, straight up: “What if no one hires you?” I had no answer. I guess I move home. I guess I apply for one of the volunteer programs that will land me in a new city for a year or two and leave me with yet another home to be homesick for and still. no. job.]

But instead of dealing with any of this… this fun mix of fear and despair and anger at the Universe… I shoved it under my bed and moved on. Or tried to. I went to work, I put on a good face, I ministered, I tried to help my dearest friends cope with their own intense personal crises [why do these things come in threes?!].

Well, I’m sure you saw this coming: my body staged a mutiny. I managed to go to work and turn in a paper on time, but everything else fell by the wayside in favor of sleep. I went to one out of four classes on Wednesday and Thursday. And how do you explain this to a professor, may I ask? Sorry, I was under the weather. Oh, you want a sick note? I’m not actually sick. Just upset.

I’ve been planning a blog post about this sense Thursday, thinking that writing it all out would help. Or at least the stream of loving comments and emails that follows whenever I feel sorry for myself publicly. But really, all that’s going to make this better is time. Sigh.

This weekend, in addition to sleeping enormous amounts [Laura to Body: I hear you. Stop mutinying], I have resumed the task of trying to make strangers see me as someone worth hiring. It’s as much fun as cuddling with a porcupine, but at least I’m moving forward.

Any tips for dealing with major disappointment? What do you do when all you want to do is sleep?

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “In which I am as full of cheerfulness as ever

  1. Meg

    I know exactly where you’re coming from in this – well, not exactly, but close enough. Being still a junior, I don’t have to worry about jobs yet, but I have been down the road of “wow everyone is having a crisis all at once and for some reason it’s up to me to save the day and now I’m so tired I can’t get out of bed to go to my 1 pm class so let’s just stay in bed all day”. It’s not fun, is it? I’m sorry you’ve got it now, especially on top of that disappointment.

    As for your questions … I deal with major disappointments by ignoring them until they come back to bite me in the bum. But that’s not healthy, so I don’t recommend it. And when I really just want to sleep all day … if it’s the weekend, I give in and sleep all day. If it’s during the week, I promise myself that I can sleep over the weekend and force myself to get through the week. Sometimes I bribe myself. And if that doesn’t work, I drink a LOT of caffeine and get through it any way I can until I can give in to my body’s demands.

    I’m sorry I don’t really have any advice for you, but I hope you know that I’m here to talk if you need it. I’m not on AIM much lately but you can Facebook me or Joey has my number if you need a more immediate response. Otherwise, I hope this all gets better -hugs-

  2. danmihalache

    No, my dear Bronzed Shoe, there is always a solution; I’m architect in a poor country, but I want a decent life; and I work in Romania for Greece, Sweden, England – that is: for those who pay my real price.
    There are many rich men; there are few intelligent…
    Best regards,
    Dan

  3. Leona

    Hey! Sorry this is so late but if it helps i’m right there with you in terms of being deathly afraid of not having a job post-graduation! It’s frightening and yet somewhat exciting in a way to think that it’s a new chapter of your life with endless possibilities. So in a way, it all has a silver lining. You’re very smart and talented and I have no doubt someone will want to hire you! As for dealing with everything, what seems to work for me is to keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason and that in the end it will all work out for the best/the way its supposed to. That and the company of two very nice guys by the names of Ben & Jerry along with a pint of their wonderful ice cream concoctions lol! I’m sorry about the disappointment and that this seems to be the end of any words of wisdom that I have to offer. If you ever need anyone to talk to or someone who can commiserate with by being in the same boat, let me know!

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