When I decided to take a photo every day and post it here, I didn’t intend to stop posting words. But that’s how it’s happened. My apologies.
So after weeks of blogging silence, what do I bring to you today? Profound thoughts, carefully cultivated? Deep ponderings? Nope, I’m here to complain. Because we all need to, sometimes.
This week has been a tough one. I got the job offer of my dreams… one I never thought to even hope for… and found out the next day I had to turn it down because they wanted me to start next week. Punch to the gut.
Trying to get hired has been, predictably, quite stressful. I was thrilled to have the whole process behind me. But now I have to face it again, every day, along with the persistent fear that nothing will come through.
[A professor asked me, this week, straight up: “What if no one hires you?” I had no answer. I guess I move home. I guess I apply for one of the volunteer programs that will land me in a new city for a year or two and leave me with yet another home to be homesick for and still. no. job.]
But instead of dealing with any of this… this fun mix of fear and despair and anger at the Universe… I shoved it under my bed and moved on. Or tried to. I went to work, I put on a good face, I ministered, I tried to help my dearest friends cope with their own intense personal crises [why do these things come in threes?!].
Well, I’m sure you saw this coming: my body staged a mutiny. I managed to go to work and turn in a paper on time, but everything else fell by the wayside in favor of sleep. I went to one out of four classes on Wednesday and Thursday. And how do you explain this to a professor, may I ask? Sorry, I was under the weather. Oh, you want a sick note? I’m not actually sick. Just upset.
I’ve been planning a blog post about this sense Thursday, thinking that writing it all out would help. Or at least the stream of loving comments and emails that follows whenever I feel sorry for myself publicly. But really, all that’s going to make this better is time. Sigh.
This weekend, in addition to sleeping enormous amounts [Laura to Body: I hear you. Stop mutinying], I have resumed the task of trying to make strangers see me as someone worth hiring. It’s as much fun as cuddling with a porcupine, but at least I’m moving forward.
Any tips for dealing with major disappointment? What do you do when all you want to do is sleep?